Is Obama's Economic Plan a Gutter Ball?

Many of you probably know President Barack Obama appeared on "The Tonight Show" this week where he promptly managed to offend the disability community by saying his bowling game "was like the Special Olympics, or something." And then -- and here's the sick part -- the line got a laugh from the studio audience.

Despite practicing on the private bowling alley below the White House, the President only rolls a 129, which is beginner ball.

So read me loud and clear: he's not good enough for the Special Olympics bowling team!

Let's face it, we want athletes who can win a medal for America. Although this President may sport some six-pack abs, he's just not in the same league as our real paralympians, who routinely break 200, and have scored a 300, which is a perfect game.

But Obama's anemic bowling game isn't what bothers me. And as hurt as I am by his slur of our people living with disabilities, even that doesn't bother me as much as what really bothers me. It's his economic game I'm worried about.

You see, while Obama was making history by becoming the first sitting president to appear on NBC's Tonight Show, his economic team was presiding over a truly earth-shaking piece of economic and political history. Here it is.

Since we're broke, and since we aren't accepting it, and since we are just printing more money, which is really a form of default, and since we're giving the money to banks and to corporations that prolly should be outta business, and since we're buying our treasuries, all of which caused the Chinese (who loaned us so much money) to issue a warning to Washington (and we were formerly the world's most powerful nation); now the world is responding by dumping the dollar as its reserve currency.

Hence, the American era is over. We can't pay for it anymore. Or should I say, the Chinese aren't gonna buy it anymore. They were the ones floating this all-American partyboat.

I'll bet you didn't know that. And do you know why?

Because not only did Obama talk economics with a comedian -- a feat which grabbed some ink of its own, but the followup press coverage centered on a fake controversy about insensitivity to paralympic bowlers, who, may I remind you, can actually kick Obama's butt all over the waxy lanes.

Do they sit around and drink coffee in order to make this stuff up?

I can imagine the scene at the White House staff room. Several young advisors are convening with iPods and Netbooks and Lattes. They represent change. One of the geeky ones speaks first.

"Mister President, dude, like, we're in real trouble. Cuz like, we're broke. And this old guy from the Fed -- his skype name is Helicopter Ben Bernanke -- well, he says we'll just print more money. So uh, mister President, dude, want me to text that to the Chinese? I'll text 'em right now: We're outta cash, so we're printing more. Or should I text 'em:
Us \ IOU $2 Tril? "

Just then a cynical advisor pipes up. "Dude, no way. Look, I agree this is economic history here. So let's do the math and then do late night tv instead. You sit down with Leno, and you talk about the economy, sure. But then you do something controversial and mildly scandalous."

"Like what?" asks the President.

"Like insult a small minority group," says the cynical advisor. "That generates internet traffic. Then the press covers the controversy, not the economy, see?"

Everyone in the conference room relaxes, and the cynical advisor continues.

"Presto, this whole demise-of-the-dollar-thing blows over. At least for a few more months. And mister President, I know just the group to insult, sir. Paralympic bowlers!"

A third, and very astute advisor agrees. "It's brilliant, because Sara Palin will fight back. And when she does, she'll defend disabled athletes, and not sound economic policy. It's the perfect McGuffin! You simply confess to a lesser sin, get it? It's not that we're broke and can't pay for the bailouts, it's just that we're insensitive to the disabled."

Gimme a break, media. Wake up and smell the burnt fortune cookies!

If I have a head injury and I can spot a McGuffin, why can't you?

True to form, today Sara Palin called Obama's comments "degrading" and said athletes living with disabilities "overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will." Palin's son Trigger has Downs Syndrome.

I never thought I'd say it, and I hate like heck to be on the side of a Republican governor, but I gotta give my grrrl some props for sticking up for us. Go Sarah, it's your birthday, go Sarah!

And I do mean that, but on the other hand, I feel used by both sides.

Of course, Obama called Special Olympics chair Tim Shriver right away to apologize for the remark. And that was pefect, because Shriver fell right in line, calling the Presidential slur a "teachable moment" for us all and even appearing on Good Morning America the next day to remind us that "words hurt."

My take: apparently it's going to be a teachable moment for Youtube bowling, or for reviewing our kindergarten manners, but not for real economic education.

More of my take: getting sidetracked on a perceived insult just makes it all the more obvious that the mainstream media don't even know who we are, or how great our athletes are, or just how much breadth and depth and diversity we've got to offer the world from our disability culture to yours. You need to get real about the economy, people. No one knows this better than we do. And no, it's not simply because we depend on social programs.

It's because in disability culture we actually face the truth of our limitations; it's where we live, and we're good at it. We can't afford to live in denial, as so many others can. If we do, we get hurt. Badly. So take a page outta that playbook, mister President. And then text it to the mainstream media, the non-disabled disability rights "spokespersons," and all the university-trained economists and their admirers dancing aboard the Titanic.

Getting back to bowling, the paralympians have their own response. They recommend practice, focus, and aim.

Maybe Obama needs a Special Olympics coach for the economy.