Aftermath to Krip Hop Homo Hop

I went to the Krip Hop Homo Hop Saturday at 2 p.m., and after all that happened, Leroy wasn't able to have us speak at 3:30 p.m.-ish, like the program guide said. I started to get really fatigued. Judy Sierra left early. Gradually my acquaintances drifted away, and finally the last friend of mine was ready to leave. I had already been closing my eyes and knew I needed to leave, too. In addition to fatigue, since I've been getting bullied, I don't feel safe in public unless I'm with someone I really trust. Some time after 5 p.m., I got up and told Leroy I had to go. He apologized for not calling on us. I accepted his apology, and told him so. But in a way our advocacy work was stopped by another advocate. We weren't given the floor for five minutes to speak our message to maybe 30-50 queer disabled artists and allies.

And another thing happened at the event. Two women (who said they knew Judy Sierra) were really aggressive and rude to me. They weren't honest with me about what the problem was. I asked if they wanted to talk or share something, but they were hostile and said no. They treated me with an air of disdain and didn't try to conceal their hostility. It seemed clear that they heard something that prejudiced them in some way that they didn't want to resolve.

One of the women wore a brown and green sweater-vest with a horizontal pattern and had short, dark, wavy hair. She was neatly groomed, and was the leader of the pair. The other was blond and was wearing a peach-colored v-neck shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. The dark-haired one was a bit older, but the blond had a smooth face. They were both in wheelchairs.

In a parting shot, they laughed at my expense when someone wanted to pass behind me. Since I was facing them, they could see behind me, but I had no idea what was happening behind me. They didn't show any concern for my welfare or my space, so it was impossible to know whether I was about to be intruded upon from the rear. Suddenly when there was no space left, the blond girl spoke up, but played it like I was the social transgressor who had been rudely blocking someone, while she was the reluctant enforcer of decorum, sensitivity and social graces. As I began to move, I lost my balance, but didn't fall to the ground. They laughed in a ridiculing way over this, with the brunette being far more aggressive in her laughter. And the brunette praised the blond for her quick thinking in blaming me for the whole thing. In reality, these two ladies were blocking the door, and shouldn't have been.

This is the situation I've faced in public for two years. In public, I experience random aggression once the other person finds out who I am or what I'm doing. The random aggression often takes the form of withholding or obfuscating necessary social information, then blaming me and ridiculing me, often for not having the social information they withheld. In each case they don't acknowledge or take responsibility for their own true feelings of aggression or hostility toward me, nor do they share what has motivated them to behave the way they do. This is a primary cause of the whole problem. Sometimes what I'm doing is asking disabled dykes if they want to join a newslist so we can share information of importance to each other. But that's really rare that I'm doing that, it's maybe three or four times in my life. Most times I'm just asking someone their name, or asking what they think about an event, or I'm participating in a Jewish event, or I'm listening to music, or I'm at a dance, or I'm praying, or I'm studying, or I'm at a party. Basic stuff.

Nothing like this happened to me prior to Lenora publishing quite a few untruthful things about me after she was suspended from a Yahoogroup for lesbians. All of this bad behavior toward me in public began immediately following the Lenora situation, and it was especially prevalent in the way lesbians treated me in all shuls. Lenora isn't Jewish, so I wonder if a handful of shul lesbians capitalized on some of the libel and slander Lenora started.