On Social Disability, Power, and Empowerment

I really enjoyed this YouTube video from Canada's nightly tv show "The Hour" in which interviewer Hilary Doyle spends time with Jeff Wasserman, a prosopagnosiac. Near the end of the piece with Jeff, at around the 3-minute mark, Hilary disappears and re-enters the room with a woman who resembles Hilary. Er, at least the look-alike has the same dress and hair as Hilary. The Canadian journalist wants to see if Jeff can tell them apart.

Jeff is pretty sure he has identified tv personality Hilary correctly. Turns out he hasn't.

(Hey Jeff, I watched, and I thought it was the other woman, too. She seemed more energetic or something.)

That's where it gets good. Look at the short flash of emotionality by Hilary. She can't believe Jeff has incorrectly identified the other woman as her, and after she and Jeff have spent part of the day together, and well, she's Hilary from Canadian tv, for cryin' out loud. How could he not know her? Hilary doesn't verbalize it quite this way, mind you. I'm just giving her reaction some probable lines.

Yet even show host George Stroumboulopous says to Hilary later in the studio, "Wow, you were really bustin' that guy up." No she wasn't. She wasn't reading Jeff the riot act or anything. She just gets a tad involved sure, even though tv shows can edit that sort of thing out. Personally, I valued the honesty. Kudos to everyone at The Hour.

Now let's get back to our faceblind fella. I'm sooo not done yet. I'm just getting started.

Let's consider Jeff's reaction at the three-minute mark. He's not really emotional, he's just normal, he says he "can't believe" he mixed up the two women on camera. He kinda shrugs, and laughs in that mild, low-key way of his. He doesn't seem particularly embarrassed, or ashamed, or even very apologetic. He's a well-adjusted guy, why should he react that way? And I mean, really, in all honesty, what do you want him to do. Notice my lack of a question mark there. Later he says he's learned to laugh stuff like this off.

I'm magnifying this short, wonderful human exchange on the video, in order to make a few points. First, this is the situation that's re-played constantly throughout the lives of those who are faceblind. Only folks aren't as nice or as understanding or as sensitive or as prepared as Hilary or "The Hour."

Second, you gotta amplify this by all the numerous invisible conditions that create a disability of misunderstanding. Maybe you can begin to understand what it's like to live with constant, background misunderstanding. You begin to understand that's the disability. You add up several cognitive conditions, and you've got something akin to paralysis.

Again, Hilary was cool. And getting back to faceblindness, she was prepared to be misidentified by a prosopagnosiac. But other people can feel so put off by it, and they just can't understand. You tell them and they still don't get it. They act like we have totally misplaced an entire person.

And we shrug, either physically, or more likely, attitudinally or philosophically. It's not personal. And it's not like we can do anything about it. Why don't they just accept it. We'll try again next time we meet, obviously. And maybe you could help us out a little, right? And there's always laughter.

To help the situation, to accommodate for disability, people can learn to cue us without getting all bent outta shape (not that Hilary was bent out.) You can read my tips here, but a lot of helping is common sense and old-fashioned courtesy. Just tell us the truth about who you are, silly. Give us your name, and then remind us where we know each other. Don't forget to make sure you've got my attention first. Otherwise we just stumble along until we figure out how to identify you through body language, vocal tone, hair, and other clues. That could take two hours, or 15 meetings together, or it may never happen consistently at all, depending on just how faceblind we are.

I really dig this piece by "The Hour" as a teaching moment. It's cool on a whole new level. Sure, let's educate people about prosopagnosia, and let's educate people about all the unpronounceable conditions and invisible disabilities, why not.

Now, as a world community, let's take it to the next level. This is my third point. This is social disability. So let's find ways to show people how their reaction to disability is what disables us. Their reaction is what we're always having to adjust to. Since social disability exists, recognize that there's two parts to it -- yours and mine. You play a role here. Ya gotta take some responsibility for your role in making my condition disabling. And then you can help turn it around. When you empower me, I empower you, that empowers everyone.

Reactions on the part of others can really get in the way of their learning to normalize, accept and accommodate a disability condition. Pick any invisible disability or condition, and figure folks are going to be surprised, even when prepared, even when trained. And that's a best-case scenario: education doesn't perfectly reduce a reaction of surprise, disbelief and emotion, because when fully experiencing the situation, that immersion hits you -- the more fully-abled -- in ways that aren't simply intellectual or head trippy. And in the worst case scenario, when lack of education combines with lack of common sense, bad manners, and even character flaws or poor moral development, we encounter insensitivity, prejudice, exploitation, bullying, neglect, blaming, and much, much worse.

Again, Hilary is way cool. And so is "The Hour." I really appreciated her genuine, darn honest reaction showing how folks actually respond.

So it's all good. People just have to experience me a few times before they learn to go, oh, I guess it's normal that some people have an invisible disability or an invisible condition. And then they could go, oh, I see where that's social, and I am part of society, so I can see where I play a role here. And then they'd have an "aha" moment and go, gee, I'll refrain from harming, and I might even start helping. Tapping into empowerment, you discover it's an unlimited supply.